松が丘文庫要録ー酒井英訳

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松が丘文庫要録ー酒井英訳

HOW SHOULD I LIVE ?

10.Oct,2008 at Matsugaoka-Librar
    Of Kamakura
By Moriyama Shiro
Leader Study Group of Paralysis Survival
Translation By Tsutomu Sakai

HOW SHOULD I LIVE ?

<Contents>When the following menu is clicked, it moves to each contents.

  • HOW SHOULD I LIVE ?Good morning! Ladies and gentlemen .
  • My name is Moriyama Shiro .I have come from Yokohama.Japan.
  • Today I am honoured to report to you about my experience as a man who was struck by an unexpected misfortune in the prime period of his life. My talk concerns physical and mental sufferings , a talk which has nothing to do with the metaphysical. Before the talk I must precaution you that my tongue may be so ambiguous due to the articulation disorders caused by the illness that you may find it hard to comprehend . I will ,therefore, strive to minimize such defects, especially the pronunciation of word-ending.
  •  Looking back on the past two decades ,it feels to me that every good thing has come from the Buddha. When I needed help, encouragement or instruction , it was always given me through various encounters . In the process of my rehabilitation, I have continued to be conscious of the helping hands extended through those encounters.

  • Ⅰ,From my failure until I began searching for a new way of life.

  • Ⅰ,A party to show new products.
  • HOW SHOULD I LIVE ?I was born in 1929 and after working for a company named “Asahi-chemical” in the section of sales as well as administration, was promoted in 1981 to the general manager of Sapporo-office in Hokkaido. Zigzag though the steps were ,
  • I believed I stood on a secured course up till retirement.

  • Then came the 11th September 1968, the unforgettable day for me. I held an exhibition of new products of synthetic leather at a Sapporo hotel. After the busiest opening day, in the evening , I was going home on foot, when I stumbled on the railway track of city tram. “How strange! Never before have I made such an error like this” I said to myself. On that day my wife happened to join me from Yokohama. She said “Maybe it is because of your having played golf throughout summer.” We chatted and then rested.
  •  Next morning , however, I found dull pain had spread over my whole ankle .Unable to walk , I had to call a taxi to reach the hotel.
  •  In the hall where the exhibition was held, a number of guests flocked incessantly, and I was occupied with receiving them. There entered a married couple whom I knew ,the wife being a nurse when young.
  • As soon as she saw me, she exclaimed , “Oh! Mr Moriyama, you are in danger. Go to hospital immediately.” I replied, “Thank you very much. I ll go next week.” “No no ! it concerns your life or death. There is not a moment to be lost!” she stressed . So I rushed to the corporate doctor, who ,no sooner had observed me than said, “Go to the brain surgery hospital , to which I’ll phone beforehand.”
  •  On my arrival at the hospital and while being examined, I became unable to stand on foot, needing a wheel chair. In the meantime my wife reached the hospital, and I was hospitalized. Lying on the bed, I felt my muscle shrinking due to contracture. Doctor’s diagnosis was brain infarction.

  • 2.Fear of disuse syndrome
  • HOW SHOULD I LIVE ?Desirous of earliest recuperations, I exercised too hard at a place of no onlookers around,but it had caused liver trouble. My doctor ordered me a complete rest which, according to him, was the only cure for this illness. A paralyzed body, when confined to a complete rest would not permit of any movement. Four weeks later, a complete rest came to an end and I got down from the bed. But I felt something strange. Touching my body around the right side of breast and hips I discovered they had lost muscles and skin hanging like big bags instead.!

  •  Looking at this body, I cried, “Moriyama is over” with hot tears welling up. Later I learned this phenomenon was called “Disuse syndrome” , a phenomenon arising out of disuse for a long time, be it of muscles or mental ability. In my case, as the left side nerve centre was destroyed, the right half of my body became unmovable and muscles extinct. This is really a dreadful phenomenon of unused (physical as well as mental ) organs weakening themselves swiftly. I wish every one of you to memorize this.
  •  Perhaps as a result of this disuse the joint of the right hand shoulder developed subluxation, the nerves underneath seemed to be exposed outside, giving rise to acute pain. A slight touch on it made me shout “Ouch! Stop it!” and I was confined to the bed, making my body double like a lobster. A thought crossed my head that I was traversing now from Hell to Limbo.
  •  Having devoted herself to looking after me, my wife was on the brink of exhaustion and had to rest at home half a day, when a private nurse attended to me in her place. Which turned out to be a wonderful encounter.

  • 3. I’m damned if I’ll be bedridden!
  • HOW SHOULD I LIVE ?The private nurse , seeing me unwilling to move the body, had decided to take me on a wheel-chair to the ward of human vegetables. As my hospital specialized in brain surgery, there were many such patients. Then she declared ;”Mr Moriyama, look at them closely. You will also become like them soon”.

  • There I saw patients who, being like logs wearing clothes, were kept alive, without will of their own, merely by being supplied with nourishment, They urged me for the first time to question “What does it mean to live?”. And inside me arose a strong aversion to growing to their likes.
  • HOW SHOULD I LIVE ?At that time a twin brothers named So who belonged to Asahi-chemical jointly entered the goal before the cheering spectators in the International Marathon Race in Beijing. I had known them as in the previous year they did in Sapporo a final adjustment training for the Los Angels Olympic Game.

  • The twin athletes gave me potent message and instruction that nothing was impossible for one provided he satisfied three pre-conditions for success, namely, will, clear target and proper training. I had been awakened towards recovery thanks to the powerful stimuli through the two examples and my mind began reactivated.
  • HOW SHOULD I LIVE ?So I asked her to help me in my endeavor to walk on foot. In walking it was necessary to make my hip-joint open. “OK, but it’s going to be very painful” she said.  “Don’t hesitate to do it “. I responded and forced myself to open the joint. The pain proved so acute that tears fell down despite my will. And yet, a thought that unless I did it I couldn’t walk at all enabled me to endure the agony.

  • With a lifeline rope around my waist, I began an exercise of walking step by step replacing a wheel- chair I accustomed to with a walking stick. I had anticipated before a life in a wheel-chair in the future.
  •  My physical condition showed some improvement which, however, drew to a limit five or six months afterwards. In March 1986, I was told by the doctor to continue rehabilitation patiently at home and left the hospital behind me, with a “Physically Handicapped Certification Book” of second grade at hand and felt relieved on hearing the appointment of my successor at the office.

  • Ⅱ.To live anew :”How should I live.”

  • 1. Limit of intellect
  • At the time when I left the hospital, my situation was such that the right hand wouldn’t move, the right leg incapable of moving me as I wished and my tongue unable to pronounce clearly, which disqualified me as a corporate man. As for the question “how should I live “ , my intellect consisting mainly of the knowledge and values I acquired while working for the company gave no satisfactory answer. No solution to this quest was in the realm of intellect. However prepared to cope with changing environments previously, I now found myself stunned by my powerlessness to do anything with my debilitated ability.
  •  In retrospect during the whole period of my search for how to live anew I was fortunately favoured with benign encounters with various people which gave me each time hints for solving pressing distress , indicating new directions to proceed.

  • 2.”Pray and Any Flower of Yours Will Come Out” ( Sakamura Shinmin)
  • HOW SHOULD I LIVE ?The next encounter was with a poem by Sakamura Shinmin, a Buddhist poet. One day my old friend in Kyusyu gave me a poetry book entitled “Pray and any flower of yours will come out”. Opening the book, I noticed on the first page this title written by the poet himself. Let me read it now.

  • “Pray , and any flower of yours will come out”
  • When ( Mother was) in a painful position,
  •  Mother always said this saying to herself .
  • I also began to chant the words one day
  •  without being conscious of it.
  • Every time I recited them since then,
  •  I felt , to my wonder , a flower of mine
  • coming out , one after another .

  • When reciting this short poem repeatedly, I felt an undescribable impulse penetrating through me. I closed the page and went out for my customary walking, throughout which the lines were floating in my head, sometimes sounding distinctly and sometimes almost inaudibly.

  • 3. wonders of nature
  • I often walked country lanes in early summer reciting this short poem. At one time I was, despite my dragging heavy legs, hopeful for my flowers to come out but at another my intellect sneered at optimism, denying human pray to bring about blooming of flowers. And yet, I gradually came to think there might probably exist an unknown world beyond the perception by intellect or reason.
  • HOW SHOULD I LIVE ?Walking in the country with such a thought one day, I discovered a tiny flower in bloom. On close observation through a macro lens I was astonished to find it decorated with blue stripes in two distinct gradations.

  •  I unintentionally asked the flower ; “For whom are you decorating yourself eh?” .
  • Then a phrase “ A hand of Great Nature beyond Human Intelligence” emerged within me.
  •  Poem byKaneko Misuzu (1903-1930 ) , too, came to attract me. She sang ;

  • ”The daytime stars, sinking until night comes. 
  • Are invisible to our eyes. 
  • But though we can’t see them they are there.
  • Things invisible are still there.”

  • ”Invisible though they were to our sight , celestial body undeniably does exist. I was led to be conscious of the limitation of our five sensory organs that , far from being omnipotent, could perceive only a limited world.

  • Thereupon the poem “Prey and any flower of yours will come out “ had all of a sudden made me believe that the poet depicted wonders which were ubiquitous in Nature.

  • 4.Invitation to a rehabilitation class
  • In 1987 a public health instructor came along and invited me to take part in a rehabilitation class of her health centre. Entering the class , I saw a lot of people who were suffering from the same disability as mine but endeavored to regain their previous social functions. I felt I was not “alone” and could begin taking up the challenge of normalization along with many class mates. I thanked the instructor as my “angel” who got me started anew along with many classmates.
  •  Later on, s self-governing group “Senboku-kai” was organized by the classmates , for which I served as secretary general for ten years since.

  • Ⅲ.Dr.Furuta and classmates

  • HOW SHOULD I LIVE ?1. A memorable encounter
  • In 1987 I happened to learn Dr.Furuta Shokin (then the director of the Matsugaoka Library ) was delivering a series of lectures on “Shobo-genzo” ( a multi-volume commentary on the essence of Zen Buddhism written by Dogen in the Middle Ages ) at Asahi Culture Centre in Yokohama.

  • I was in-confident of attending alone but my wife encouraged me to try to , and I was enrolled in the course , with my wife accompanying me in the travel to and from the Centre.

  •  I found the participants in the course included dozens of men and women of extreme warm-heartedness who gave me great encouragement. At the end of term we used to have friendship parties where my wife was allowed to join with me.Later on, she participated in the course, studying more assiduously than I did. Out of my participation in the course was born a valuable human network, a great encounter to which I am grateful wholeheartedly.

  • Dr.Furuta traveled for these lectures a long way from Kamakura to Yokohama which included hill slopes. The aged scholar relied on a long cane to support his weak legs. One day he smilingly confided he fell down on a hill lane. I took it for evidence of his dedication to teaching mission. It was an unintended lessen that one must be serious in the conduct of life.

  • I thought at that time that even a step forward of legs was controlled by the instruction from brain so that brain was the most vital organ. Yet I noticed a variety of functions was being performed by someone while brain was sleeping , such as breathing, activating heart and sustaining constant temperature . A suspicion arose if I was a being activated by some unknown one.

  • The lectures were difficult to understand but while perusing the text I took notice of a difference in expressing heart in terms of different characters, one in Chinese characters and another in Japanese one. It seemed to me that Dogen might have distinguished between heart itself and its functions , a very fine and revealing view indeed.

  • 2. Encounter with classmates
  • So charming were the participants in the course that it became pleasure to meet them once a week . They provided me with a variety of encouragement even through casual chats..
  • HOW SHOULD I LIVE ?Among them was a lady aged eighty five then who in her teens traveled alone for study by ship to England via Indian sea route.

  • She told me also about her experience after she returned to Japan. Her remarkable courage and passion for learning that exemplified prewar Japanese women were moving and tremendously inspiring.

  •  One of my classmate sent me , on my birthday, a poetry book entitled “Youth” by Samuel Ullman. I will quote it now.
  •   Youth is not a time of life--it is a state of mind;
  •  it is a temper of the will, a quality of the imagination, a vigor of the emotions, predominance of courage over timidity, of the appetite for adventure over love of ease.
  •  No body grows only by merely living a number of years; people grow old only by deserting their ideals. Years wrinkle the skin, but to give up enthusiasm wrinkles the soul. Worry, doubt ,self-distrust, fear and despair--these are the long ,long years that bow the head and turn the growing spirit back to dust.

  •  Whether seventy or sixteen, there is in every being's heart the love of wonder, the sweet amazement at the stars and the starlike things and thoughts, the undoubted challenge of events, the unfailling childlike appetite for what next, and the joy and the game of life.
  •  You are as young as your faith, as old as doubt ;as young as your self-confidence, as old as your fear as young as your hope, as old as your despair.

  •  So long as your heart receives messages of beauty, cheer, courage, grandeur and power from the earth, from man and from the Infinite so long you are young.
  •  When the wires are all down and all the central place of your heart is covered with the snows of pessimism and the ice of cynicism, then you are grown old indeed and may God have mercy on your soul.
  • Scientists tell us that the left hemisphere of brain concerns logics and the right hemisphere sense and emotion. A poet endowed with a developed right hemisphere can grasp the essence , I suppose , by intuition.

  • There was also Mme, Ban Katsuyo among the classmates. She was working with, and strongly influenced by, Dr Furuta as secretary in his eighties. After Dr Furuta passed away, she became administrative chief of the Matsugaoka Library, solving quite a few troubling matters. She is striving to further extend activities of the Library. Thanks to her energetic efforts such projects have been in recent years completed or reached near completion as publishing the revised collection of the works of Dr.Suzuki( 1870-1966) , issuing his books abroad and exchanging with Chinese scholars of Buddhism and so forth thus making the importance of the Library widely known throughout the world.

  • Ⅳ.Encounter with Dr.Ota and the lesson of Fukuzawa Yukichi

  • 1. Rebuilding values and fighting against “depression”
  • Under the intense influence of Dr.Furuta I began pondering over the question of my future life. That was the question of what kind of life I should pursue now that I had abruptly lost my bodily soundness that constituted the basis of all activities.

  • HOW SHOULD I LIVE ?Up till then the highest standard of value had been corporate prosperity as far as my family and I were concerned. It was perhaps inevitable in view of the long years of postwar disorder; prosperity of the enterprise for which one worked had been synonymous with happiness for his family.  
  •  After I left the company, I became aware of the reality that the values I cherished had been shaky .

  • It was as though the earth underneath which I believed firm enough suddenly proved to be bottomless swamp. Having got through crises hitherto by coping with them as dictated by the corporate values , I had been faced unexpectedly with lack of solid values effectively capable of supporting a handicapped life of mine. What kind of life would there be for me with helpless arms and legs?
  •  Then the problem of “how should I live?” made its appearance before me like the wall, hindering me to move forward.
  •  For the time being I engaged myself with the “practicable” work such as helping a volunteer group of disabled people and making a photo album for myself. I examined if I could become a professional photographer despite disability. The result simply made me draw a deep sigh for some period since I found my ability too poor in relation to socially required standards.

  •  As I increasingly got tired with physical disability, my mind and heart continued to be enfeebled , reaching the edge of “depression”.
  •  Sensing the harbinger of depression ,my wife got her driving license renewed after taking the refresher course and bought a used car . Every day she, letting me be sit next to her, drove me to the places of scenic beauty in Kanagawa area for relaxation. It was her selfless efforts at guarding me from getting depressed, without which my recovery would certainly have been much delayed.

  • 2. To have lived two lives
  • In autumn 1989 on an information about a lecture by Dr.Ota Hitoshi, a leading rehabilitation expert , to be held in Kawasaki, I rushed to the place with great expectation . Up till then I still believed my disability could be cured perfectly, if only I had a will. The encounter with Dr.Ota proved smashing.
  • HOW SHOULD I LIVE ?Dr.Ota declared; “your disability is incurable.” And he added a remark about Fukuzawa Yukich (1834-1901 , one of the builders of modern Japan. He referred to Fukuzawa’s words; “ I have lived two lives.”

  • Fukuzawa was a thinker-cum-educator. He belonged to Nakatsu Clan of the area where I was born and his idea of “independence and self –respect “ was widely known as it was printed on the notebook supplied to the pupils of primary school. Prior to the Meiji

  • Restoration, he crossed the Pacific Ocean to the United States of America on board of a warship “Kanrinmaru” and after the Restoration founded Keio University , devoting half of his life to the mission of introducting Western civilization into Japan. Hence his recollection , ” I have lived two lives”.

  • Returning home , I had to reflect for hours. The words could not be absorbed straightaway by my mind . It did not take long , however, before I came to realize the need to seek new values corresponding to my own conditions, physical and mental, with which to live as a member of society.

  • I was in need of changing over to an alternative way of living which was congruous with the conditions required by environment taking the changed physical and mental situation in consideration. I became aware of the need to establish “my own value” in view of the changed societal conditions surrounding me.

  • I soon reached a conclusion that to live a life is nothing but striving to vivify “the life as a gift” to the fullest under the given circumstnces. That was exactly what’s meant by “ the life given me was live. ” I came to understand that it couldn’t be otherwise. “Now I see, it’s rather simple and straightforward” I said to myself .

  • The discovery was of eye-opening character to me, which was brought about to conventionally bound myself only by such stimulus as given by Dr.Ota on top of own efforts. I would compare it to the adage “卒琢同時”(meaning , Pecking the eggshell at once from inside and out).

  •  It seemed then that it would be needful for me to have an instrument whereby I could fight for a better life. Fukuzawa was endowed with enough proficiency in European languages to introduce Western culture ,while with disabled Moriyama there was nothing supportive of him except for entrepreneurship acquired during his life in business.

  • Ⅴ.Encounter with Master Tsuchiya and discovery of unknown ability.

  • 1.500-hours training at initial stage.
  • HOW SHOULD I LIVE ?In January 1990 while I wrote Chinese characters along with my handicapped friends in accordance with a New Year custom I noticed my writings looked so feeble and unsatisfactory because they were written by a brush I held with right hand as dictated by unwritten rule of calligraphy , supported by my left hand.

  • I brought my calligraphic works written by left hand to Master Tsuchiya and asked him to adopt me as his disciple. Looking at me with unusable right hand he accepted me , ignoring the established rule of calligraphy and began instructing me to write in classic letter named “ Reisho.” “

  • Your left hand doesn’t fit writing an upward sloping line , whereas it can write an even line,” he explained the reason he chose Reisho for me. I was lucky indeed in having thus encountered with this Master.

  •  I started practicing by using classics as copybooks. There was a “ 500-hours beginners training course”,  an intensive course for beginners to acquire writing skill new to them. If one practices writing Reisho emulating copybooks for three hours a day, then it will reach 90 hours a month and 540 hours in six months.

  • I continued the practice for six months from April to September , drawing a brush in my awkward left hand in concentration . It was a really wonderful discipline for me struggling with copybooks in earnest, which resembled 只管打坐 (meaning, just sitting).

  •  And one day, perhaps after two or three months since I became Master Tsuchiya’s disciple, to my amazement I found my unusable right hand holding a brush, which was washed by left hand . Previously I used only left hand to wash the tip of brush cursorily after exercise, though I whished I could do the washing with right hand more carefully.

  •  It was an encouraging experience indeed whereby I learned everyone was endowed with untapped ability. Dr.Turumi Kazuko , a sociologist, gives a proper term “ underground treasure” to it. As it is buried underneath the ground , it is certainly invisible.

  • 2.Showing my work at the Culture Exhibition--birth of independent spirit
  • HOW SHOULD I LIVE ?I showed my calligraphic work consisting of five characters “弄花香満衣”( meaning, Touch a flower, the
  • fragrant fills your robes), an outcome of my six months efforts with left hand, at the Culture Exhibition of Izumi Ward, Yokohama in November 1990.

  • The exhibitors brought their works written by their right hands, and decorated them on the wall. After I hanged my work on the specified spot, I stared at it intently. Strange emotion was stirred inside me. Simultaneously strains around my shoulders melted down , strains emanating from my enthusiasm never to yield to healthy people. A label of a disabled I attached to myself had come off.

  • I regained confidence in that, if trained, my left hand could build up socially useful abilities despite handicaps. It marked a birth of independent spirit orienting to a survival from a “ victim of stroke” who was to be sympathized, by overcoming the handicaps due to disability.

  • Ⅵ.”I walked ! My hand moved!” -activities aimed at survival

  • 1.Publishing of a book and lecture meetings across the country
  • HOW SHOULD I LIVE ?With this as a turning point, in the September 1991 I published a book entitled “I walked ! My hand moved!” through the good office of my friend with a women’s magazine “Shufu no tomo” ( companion of house-wives), intending to inform handicapped people across the country about my experience and encourage them to trust the possibility of survival .

  • This book in turn marked a start afresh for me of a new life, a life of a man who was still disabled yet healthily surviving.
  • HOW SHOULD I LIVE ?I begged Dr.Ota for reviewing the book. He wrote and added “ mind and heart have moved before your hand “.He stated rehabilitation was not a matter only of body but of “body–and-mind as one” Thereupon I decided the title of my next book should be “ my mind moved!”.

  • I have to admit that in those days I tended to slight the psychic as against physical factors to an unbalanced extent. Accordingly Dr.Ota’s emphasis on the “mind and heart” removed my bias, giving a more balanced outlook. I began to maintain since that in rehabilitation one could never treat the side of mind and heart lightly. The book continued reprinting with an increasing number of readers across the country.

  • Thanks to this publication I was invited to National Public Nurse Workshop to deliver a lecture, which was followed by similar requests from various provinces. My lectures have reached over one hundred times for fifteen years up till present , covering the whole country from Hokkaido in the north down to Shikoku and Kyushyu in the south , today’s one being number one hundred and three .

  • After I published the book, I set up “ Study Group of Paralysis Survival”. This group intended to study and report what sort of problems handicapped people would face in the process of returning to social activities as viewed from their standpoint.
  • The group had accumulated studies and in 2006 invitedDr. Miwako Hosoda, a sociologist, as a guest lecturer at the one hundredth commemorative workshop , thus adding a broader sociological vista.

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  • HOW SHOULD I LIVE ?In 1995in the midst of our activities occurred the famous“ Great Hanshin Earthquake”.

  • I put a question to a public health nurse with whom I was familiar., “if such a natural disaster occurs, how and when will handicapped people like me be rescued?”.

  •  She replied ; “It will take at least one week .” I learned therefrom that it was vital indeed for handicapped people to work in a given community , otherwise they couldn’t hope to tide over natural disasters since they were regarded as non( or quasi) member of the community.

  • I started my activity in the community as the squad leader of a neighborhood self-governing body, then became the director in charge of traffic safety to eliminate troubles on roads in the area. An introduction of “ Community Zoning Project” successfully turned the area into a barrier-free one.

  • Afterwards I was assigned to a member of the Citizen’s Conference of Izumi Ward where I livied. As a chief in charge of citizen’s welfare , I asked Dr.Ota to instruct the citizen how to cope with the society with declining birth rate and aging population. Looking back, it was a period when my activities as a “paralysis survivor” had gone into a firm orbit , making my life fruitful .

  • Meanwhile my wife was requested by the community to organize “ Group Iris Izumi to support those taking care of the Handicapped” and she has been its presider ever since. Recently she is extending the area of activity as consultant of Nursing Care Insurance and so forth.

  • 3. Silence, sonorous as thunder--my work exhibited
  • When in 1992 I accompanied Master Tsuchiya to a museum in Izu peninsula , I happened to find an inkstone treasured by Hirose Tanso (1782-1856) exhibited there . Tanso was a scholar-poet in the Tokugawa period who resided in Hita, Oita prefecture . I spent my nursery school days near the now extinct college where Tanso taught .

  • While viewing the inkstone I felt to hear him scolding me: “You are justifying laziness with disability, aren’t you?”. To my amazement the phrase “silence, sonorous as thunder” was indeed a reality.!

  •  So I begged my Master to enroll me as member of his calligraphic group ignoring my lack of dexterity and dared to exhibit my works once a year . ( I would ask you to see a collection of my works here)
  •  I was invited to “National Public Health Nurse Workshop” held tn Kofu in 1994 as one of panelists.
  • HOW SHOULD I LIVE ?On my way home I visited Erinji, famous Buddhist temple in suburbia. There I discovered a wooden panel on the main gate in which I read a poem ; 心頭滅却火亦涼 (meaning , Mind and body discarded , even fire is cool) . The poem was moving indeed. On arriving home I checked it at a library and learned it was from a poem entitled 夏日題吾空上人院 (meaning, “composed on a summer day at the residence of Goku Shonin)” I decided to write this poem for the next work on a broader paper and in larger characters.

  •  In 1996Iwas awarded“excellence” prize for my work “Sozen-hi,part”(meaning, a part of the epitaph for Sozen). When I was called in as the representative of all the prize –winners and stood on the high platform of the spacious museum my hands and legs stiffened like stone due to tension.

  •  I received the prize with my left hand in the midst of warm blessing of all the members in the hall. It was really an example of “Prey , and any flower of yours will come out ” where my sincere efforts led me to the truth of 空即是色( meaning , “Emptiness – it is , in fact , form” ).

  •  Reisho being ancient character of China, getting familialized with it had resulted in getting contact with, and great impact from , classical culture of China.

  • Ⅶ.The Matsugaoka Library and Dr.Suzuki

  • HOW SHOULD I LIVE ?1. The Matsugaoka Library
  • My devotion to learning calligraphy occupied a central part of the process of rehabilitation. This experience, though, wasn’t susceptible of emulation by my group mates , who mostly gave up efforts midway, saying “it’s beyond my ability .” It was disappointing to hear that.
  •  “Isn’t there a better way by virtue of, say ,Tariki (the other-power) or other means whereby to recover with ease ? “ .

  • I was seeking the way which could more easily be resorted to by more numerous handicapped people.

  • At around that time, among the participants in the ACC course were going on discussions over the question “ which is preferable, the self –power or the other –power ?”. Dr.Furuta , pressed by them answered and advised ; “ Strive with maximum of your self-power, and you will be saved by the other-power. In other words , unless you employ your self-power to the full extent , the other-power doesn’t come about. “ I realized rehabilitation would never be accomplished by resorting easygoingly to the other-power.

  • In 1999 Dr.Furuta’s course came to an end on account of his old age. And yet I was fortunately allowed to listen to his teachings at theMatsugaoka Librarytogether with several classmates.
  • Though the Library was located on s hill, I could go up the one hundred and thirty stone steps , interrupted by rests several times, being accompanied by my wife, through the precincts of Tokeiji temple .

  • HOW SHOULD I LIVE ?Thereupon I facedDr. Suzuki’s photographin the Library. The visits to the Library were occasions to be impressed with the effort of Dr.Furuta as the director in sorting out a heap of unedited manuscripts ofDr.Suzuki, publishing abroad and providing of information to foreign countries, searching historical remnants of Chinese Zen Buddhism and culturally communicating with Chinese Universities and so forth.

  • 2. The self-power and other-power
  • As a result of my search for Dr.Suzuki’s interpretation in his discourse of the question of salvation by the self-power and the other-power, I found one, which I will quote now.

  • “You might say it isn’t the self-power , it’s the other-power. However, unless you have exhausted your own self-power , you wouldn’t be able to comprehend neither the self-power nor the other-power . Only at the moment you are convinced that it is none other than the other-power then you would know the power is not “of yourself”.

  •  When you think it will do just to rely on the other-power while behaving as you like , a lot of the self-power would be left unspent. To exhaust the self-power is indeed vital, too vital to be replaced with a mere reliance upon the other-power. Unless the self-power is exhausted , the genuine other –power wouldn’t make its appearance . To exhaust one’s self-power is an enormously hard work as is the case of “ seeking mind which proves unattainable.”

  •  At the very moment that one admits “ mind is after all unattainable” the self-power runs out and concurrently the other-power presents itself.
  •  Instead of relying on the other- power from which you distance yourself, exhaust your self-power to its limit, and you will notice the other power appearing before you. When you are struggling with the unattainable, aiming at attainability, it is the self-power. When you realize the unattainable is unattainable, your self-power will turn into the other-power.

  •  The self-power , now being the other-power as it is, is the absolute other-power in which “there is no distinction between the self-power and the other-power.
  • In fine, the absolute other-power wouldn’t come up unless the self-power has been exhausted.

  •  Rather than relying on the other-power, I would maintain that it’s more essential for one to seek “what is the self-power ? Where does the self-power come from? Who am I who am arguing if my own karma is deep or shallow?

  • Ⅷ.Post--stroke rehabilitation re-examined

  • 1.to open limitless potentiality with self-power
  • I have reached a conclusion that in order to rehabilitate oneself successfully it is first of all indispensable to have a view of humanity which is not abstract but concerns existential human being with personality. In other words no generally applicable prescription won’t do. Prescription needs to be for each individual to enable him to rebuild his life . Which requires his will and efforts.

  • While digging up of an untapped ability will lead to fruitful results, it is feasible only by the “will and efforts “ of the man in question as well as caring people around him. A “new ability” will be identified by himself when he is advancing forward untiringly , fixing his sight on a remote goal , the reason being an abundant potentiality stored untapped in every one of us. In the midst of the “untiring efforts “ he is bound to notice the guiding hands of the “ Buddha” , I would say.
  • HOW SHOULD I LIVE ?They may not be perceived without postulating a position of “Buddhahood” . Be that as it may, you will find a “narrow lane without “cul‐de‐sacs” only by the aid of “invisible helping hands”.
  • Whoever can transcend intellect , that is , can “believe” in a “grand life that transcends ego” is perhaps a practitioner of transpersonal psychology expounded by Viktor Emill Frankl, a psychologist , who maintains, ”if you believe , your belief should be realized objectively”.

  • 2. Reshuffling value
  • Living with disability means living afresh replacing “old values” with new ones. Once handicapped ,one is forced to become conscious that there are a lot of mundane values which he acquired had while healthy but which have to be cast off as outfits.
  • HOW SHOULD I LIVE ?When you wish to see palm you can’t see the back of your hand. Living a handicapped life without replacing the values will bring about unremitting self-reproach .

  • Whatever he does, he can’t say: “I am OK.” His behavior doesn’t satisfy him and he is prone to get desperate , liable to lose health by a series of new illness under increasing stresses.

  • HOW SHOULD I LIVE ?3.Striving to find out potentiality En‐Tariki (the other-power of Buddha)
  • When a handicapped man whishes to recover himself, I believe an important attitude he must take is to “ do his best exhaustively and await helping hands of the other --power” .
  •  If he just awaits helping hands of the other --power while making no efforts, he is most likely to see his ability debilitated by disuse.

  • I would advise you to tap your hidden potentiality which I am sure you possess abundantly. Potentiality will remain buried unless and until you dare to tap it . For any potentiality to be realized one needs try and error time and again which alone assure you of your having ability.

  •  We must know, in this connection , the importance of the work of the “ other-power” in the name of En ( connections ) and “ encounters” which are stimulant for the self-power. In my case, how and why was it possible to use my left hand to write the “Heart Sutra” in semicursive ? The answer is obvious. The other-power did it .

  • I am grateful indeed to what Dr.Suzuki taught about the self-power and other-power and also to a number of connections and encounters which made me experience the other-power of the Buddha leading me to discover the hidden treasures within myself .
  • Last but not least, trees, withered in winter, will be full of life in spring even in every branch-end and in beautiful blossom, making us joyfully feel the truth of “色即是空 空即是色“ ( Form--it is, in fact, emptiness ,Emptiness--it is, in fact, form ) . In the Gospel according to Matthew we read ; “Enter by the narrow gate. The gate is wide that leads to perdition but the gate that leads to life is small.”

  • I am not sure if the “ life” in Christianity is identical with the “ grand life” I referred to earlier on. Dr.Frankl teaches us to look for the “meaning of life” . It seems that all of these teachings amount to the one and the same truth universal to all human beings.
  •  Thank you very much for your listening to my poor talk for a long hours.  

HOW SHOULD I LIVE ?

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